2 months!

My oh, my. Time does fly. It's so hard to believe that Kenneth has only been with us for two months. It feels like he was always meant to be in our family, like we had been waiting our whole lives just for him.

There's SO much to catch you up on!

Since my last post we have been visited by Juju and PaPe, Aunt Ray Ray (Rachel) and Kirk, and many of our wonderful friends. We have also gone through the WORST WEEK EVER, when Kenneth seemed to be screaming all night every night. But things are really starting to get in a groove for us and Kenneth seems pretty happy most of the time. We've even learned the "Magic

Baby Hold". No matter how hard Kenneth is crying, the "MBH" works every time! (Video to come!)

We have also started using the cloth diapers, Bum Genius Flip, pretty regularly. Turns out they're hardly more work than disposables and we really love them! We still prefer to use disposables when we are out-and-about for convenience.

AND... we took Kenneth to get his picture taken last week so that we could have some for Juju's birthday! Although we're getting them a couple of days after her birthday (sorry Juju! but good things come to those who wait!), I'm sure she won't mind too much when she sees that cute face of his. We decided that we won't spoil the surprise for her, so I can't post the gems just yet, but I thought it would be fun to post some of the pictures that are still noteworthy. :)

Three weeks old

Kenneth is way more astute than I have been giving him credit for. He seems to know exactly when I'm awake enough that there's no chance of me being able to fall back asleep... then, he takes a nap. Lovely.

This past week has been pretty tough so far because Kenneth is having some problems with acid reflux. It's not your typical, "My baby spits up" kind of thing. In fact, he hardly ever spits up after a meal. Instead, he wakes up in the middle of the night crying in pain and trying to swallow back stomach acid. If you've been reading my blog, you'll know that I can totally empathize. It was the worst symptom of my pregnancy. So, the pediatrician checked him out yesterday and gave us a couple of prescriptions for reflux. Between this and the Mylicon we've been giving him for gas, we're hoping we've covered all of his complaints so he will go back to being the sweet, quiet baby he teased us with being for the first two weeks. :)

Even now, he's not the kind of baby that cries for no reason. He has a very distinct, "I'm in pain" cry. The problem is almost never not understanding why he's upset, but whether or not there's something we can do to relieve his pain.

Thankfully, I have a very helpful hubby! On Saturday and Sunday mornings, Jase wakes up pretty early and takes Kenneth into the living room so that I can catch up on sleep. In return, Jase sleeps on the couch or in the guest bedroom once or twice during the week so that Kenneth's night time feedings don't wake him up. My friend Dawn mentioned that she didn't understand how single moms could take care of a baby on their own. I have definitely thought this same thought in the past few weeks. I'm certain I would go insane if I had to do this alone. In the past few days even Jase and I haven't been enough: I've had to call in back-up! I asked my friend, Leah, to come over and watch Kenneth today so I could sleep for a couple of hours. Of course, the entire time she was here he would wake up every 30 minutes and cry anyway. Needless to say, as soon as she was done with her 3hour shift, he fell fast asleep! I, on the other hand, was too awake by that point to try and nap. Cheeky baby :)

Hopefully the prescriptions we picked up today will ease his woes (and mine!)

Happy to be home

I am so in love with this child. Kenneth is incredible. He's such an easy going baby so far and he already has such personality.

And I can't say enough of Jason. He is the best Daddy and husband I could have ever asked for. He's loving, doting, and gentle in ways I didn't know a man could be. He was meant to be a father.

My world is filled with love and more importantly, Kenneth's world is too...

3,2,1, MONKEY!

I don't even know where to start. Maybe the best way is to begin by saying that God does incredible things and Jase and I are both so thankful to have Monkey here with us today.

On Tuesday, October 12th at 4:03 in the evening, we welcomed Kenneth Mitchell Juneau into the world. He was born prematurely, as he was due October 30th, so he was a rather a small 5 pounds 3 ounces. But from the very beginning he was quite the eater :) I suspect this trait is from his Daddy. The labor went very well and due to his size he was pretty easy on Mommy. In fact, it took less than fifteen minutes to push him out! When he came, Grammy (my mom), Danielle, and Jason were all there. Everyone kept saying, "Look at him! Look at him!" I kept saying, "I can't see him!" Finally, the midwife put him on my chest.

He was beautiful. Jase and I were instantly in tears. All we could manage to say to one another was "Thank you" and "I love you" in between sobs of joy. I'll never forget that look on Jason's face.

A few hours after delivery, Kenneth was assessed by a pediatrician and the news was less than favorable. He and the nurses had several concerns: he had very low blood sugar, a low temperature than he could not self-regulate, jaundice, low platelets, and several other minor issues. The hours turned into days as we waited to things to regulate. Instead they got worse. Although he was feeding very well, my milk had not yet come in to the point where he needed it to be, so we had to supplement with formula. The problem was that he would not latch on to a bottle and he began to become dangerously dehydrated. It was at this point that the pediatrician told us that Kenneth may actually be more premature than what our original ultrasound had indicated. Because of his fragile condition and small size, he would have to be taken in to the NICU. The thought of him being taken away from us was awful. Obviously we wanted what was best for him, but my heart sank. I cried. I felt terribly guilty. I just wanted to skip ahead to the point where Kenny was okay. Luckily we were able to visit him in NICU and he did not have to stay long.

Our last day and a half was spent in the pediatrics ward with Kenneth under a UV lamp for his jaundice. We could take him out to feed and cuddle whenever we wanted, but the longer he stayed under the light, the faster we would be able to go home. It was so sad to see him in that plastic box with an IV in his head and a monitor on his foot, but Jason and I were both so proud with how brave and strong he was. The four days we spent in the hospital were the longest of my life. To see your child in so much pain is more difficult than I could have ever imagined. While he may not remember all of the blood draws and the pokes and prods, they are etched in my memory.

When the doctor finally gave the okay for Kenneth to be discharged, Jason and I both could have cried with joy. No more blood draws, no more IVs, no more watching the nurses walk away with him. He is ours. What a feeling. After the drive home, I cried when we walked in the door to our house. We are so fortunate to have a healthy son, and we thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.

...3...

Well, almost 3 weeks to go :) I try to post on Saturdays when the week "officially" changes, but my weekends are still pretty busy with weddings.

But you'll forgive me because... I'm posting pictures! Jason's dad came to visit for a few days, so I have a few photos of the guys working on Monkey's chest of drawers. I'm also posting a picture of me taken just moments ago. That's about as up-to-date as you can get!

...4...

I'm a little behind posting this week :) Jason's dad is visiting for a while, so we've been busy site-seeing and entertaining. Four more weeks until the Due Date! I went in for a check-up on Wednesday and everything is going well. Monkey is head down and ready to go and I have the official "Go-ahead" if I were to start labor. This means that Monkey is pretty well developed in all the ways he needs to be in order to do well out in the world. In fact, this coming Saturday, he will officially be to term if he were to decide to greet us instead of being considered premature! So... I'm shooting for Saturday, haha. Oddly enough, Jason is really hoping Monkey will come on Sunday so that his birthday will be 10-10-10 :)

I was going to post a video of Monkey's room, but it was taking a really long time to post. But you are welcome to check it out on Facebook!

Pictures coming soon!

So much for the Afterglow

It's amazing to me that people will say such ridiculous things to a pregnant woman. Here are a few gems that I'm sure will echo in my mind for years to come...

"Oh, wow, you're huge!"

"You're eating again?!"

"You're bigger every time I see you!" (From someone I typically see 3-4 times a week...)

"Those buttons look like they're about to pop."

"You have jowls."

"It looks like your face is retaining water."

"Oh, you're wedding ring doesn't fit anymore? Is that because of the weight?"

Ah, yes. At just the time this 'glow' is wearing off, I really appreciate the kind words. And because it seems to be everyone's first question: 33 pounds. That's normal.

...5...

Five more weeks to go until Monkey's official due date.

Five more weeks of freedom to leave the house without an entourage of stuffed animals and diaper bag and carseat and who-knows-what-else-Monkey-may-need. Five more weeks of guessing little baby parts pushing against my tummy. Five more weeks of the worst heartburn in the South. Five more weeks of having moments alone. Five more weeks of guessing which features Monkey takes from me and which are from Jason. Five more weeks of, "Could you pick that up for me?" Five more weeks of anticipating that incredible moment I go from just Shelley to Mommy in the blink of an eye and never look back. ♥

...6...

Six weeks to go until the due date!

Sometime in the next 3 to 8 weeks I should have Monkey in my arms :) We are finally close enough that we are making sure we have all of those "last minute" things ready. The bags are almost packed, the car seat is sitting in the back of the Jeep, and I'm just about as ready as I'll ever be! Next week we are going to tour the hospital and pre-register. I even took a few new baby-belly pictures for you all, but I can't seem to get them off of the camera and onto the blog!

As busy as I am with work and life in general, I still have time everyday to count and re-count the days until Monkey's expected arrival. Because of this, time seems to be moving just a little slower. It used to be that I could go days without dwelling on it, but with all of Monkey's movements and all of my practice contractions, he's hard to ignore!

Pictures...

I'm having trouble posting those new pictures I promised, but I haven't forgotten!!!

...7...

Seven weeks to go!

I'm sure 33 weeks pregnant doesn't have much significance for a lot of people. It's seemingly a bit of an in-between number. But, here's why 33 weeks is so awesome: One month from now, if Monkey decides to greet the world, he will be officially full term :) So, while my due date is 7 weeks away, it's really only 4 weeks away. Or that's the way I like to see it! Of course, I want Monkey to have the healthiest start in life, but I figure if four weeks can do the same as seven... well, all 150 pounds of me is rooting for 4 weeks!

So... I bet you've noticed that I'm a little overdue to post a new belly picture... not to mention the fact that I promised pictures of Monkey's room over a month ago and haven't delivered. Well, fear not! Tomorrow is the day! (Unless I forget, but you can't be angry at a pregnant lady, right?) I really am anxious to share our experience with all of our family and friends, it just gets so difficult to keep up with everything lately. Really, it's been a blessing to be so busy. The down-side is that I haven't been able to include you all as much as I was hoping to. Never too late for redemption, yes?

Lastly, I've been getting a few responses about our decision to cloth diaper that sound a little like this: "HAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaha! Good luck with that." So, for all of you skeptics, here's a little information on the system we have decided to use. Yes, we may need a little luck and perhaps a little perseverance, but I guess you need these things anyway when you're looking at 8-10 dirty diapers a day. This ain't your Granny's cloth diaper.

http://www.flipdiapers.com/reviews.php

...8...

Today is 32 weeks! It's so strange to think that in only 5 weeks, Monkey will be considered full term. Jason is hoping for Monkey to be born on the 10th of October so that his birthday will be 10-10-10. We'll see!

...9...

9 More weeks!

I can't believe how quickly the weeks are beginning to fly by! A lot of this has to do with being so busy with work, I'm sure. I'm only 5 more days from being 8 months pregnant! Does that sound crazy to everyone? Or just me? Oddly enough, I still have random moments of, "Wow, I can't believe I'm pregnant..." You would think that the basketball in front of me would have clued me in by now, but I don't think it's possible for that to really hit home with your first baby. I certainly can't imagine taking it for granted.

So, the count down continues. The countdown to Baby. The countdown to a new life for the three of us. (Six of us if you include the "girls," JJ, Lilly, and Dahlila). The count down to life as we know it drastically changing, forever.

...10...

10 more weeks to go!

Assuming, of course, that Monkey decides to greet the world on his due date. Personally, I think he's going to be a little early. I still can't believe Monkey and I are both so big! Even more amazing, there is not a stretch mark one on this belly. Not yet anyway. But I still have a rather long 10 weeks to go! I still feel pretty great too. The heartburn is the worst and most persistent "symptom" I've had. Don't get me wrong, it's no walk in the park. It's pretty unbearable at times (mostly at night), but I figure if that's all I have to go through, it's better than the morning sickness some women have. And so begins the count down :)

Two down, one to go!

It's been a while since I've posted anything new, I know. Sorry! Things are going well. It's early in the last trimester, and I still feel pretty great and Monkey is healthy and active. I feel him kick constantly know, and lemme tell ya, that kid can pack a punch! We have finished the nursery and I will post pictures in the next couple of days :)

Life has been so hectic lately, but it's nice to have the distractions. I am now in charge of coordinating the Weddings and Special Events at the resort, of which there are MANY. We basically have two to three weddings every weekend until November. Good timing, because Monkey already seems rather impatient to make his escape into the world. And Jase has been busy with a couple of games the studio is working on that have upcoming deadlines. Oh! And Vacation Isle is on the shelves! In case you didn't know, I did the voice over for the game. So, if you miss my sweet voice, you can go buy the game. :) Here's a link to the promo video:
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/debut-trailer-vacation-isle/62816

Here's lookin' at you kid

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Lately, I often daydream about what Monkey will look like. I look at baby pictures of Jason and myself and try to pick out features that might fit in with Monkey's ultrasound profile. I can't wait to meet this kid. ♥

Jason's mom is visiting, and having Monkey is beginning to feel closer than ever. Yesterday, Julie and I went to Babies R Us and bought some ADORABLE bedding and paint for the nursery. She and Jason began painting the walls that night while I was at work, and I'm betting they'll get it done this evening or the next. I'll take pictures soon for your viewing pleasure.

Having "Grandma" here and preparing for the baby shower this Sunday has made us feel like Monkey really is going to be here in a few months. It's so surreal. I bet he'll be as cute as his Daddy.

Just a quick note

I like Monkey. I think he's got a sense of humor. This morning I woke up and had my typical glass of milk with a vitamin and a healthy bowl of Kashi cereal. But... then I was still hungry and Monkey was too, so he convinced me to have a big bowl of pot roast and potatoes. This was about 7 in the morning. He is his Daddy's son ;)

Recently, I was able to catch a bit of Monkey's acrobatics on camera. He's been kicking up a storm lately, so I put a card on my tummy where he was kicking and got a shot of it moving on camera. I will try to see about posting it on the blog.

In the mean time, I hope everyone's making it in that Gulf Coast heat. While it's been beautiful weather here with highs in the upper 70s, it gets pretty hot in the house with no A/C and this big ol' belly. As much as I miss you all, there's no way I would make it in Texas.

Monkey's new diggs

So, if you didn't already know from my panic attack a few days ago, We're moving! It's going to be a bit of work, but we really love the house and the area we're moving into. In fact, I'm downright excited! Everything that is wrong with the house we're renting now is fixed with this new place. We're even within a couple of blocks of most of the people we know well here in Big Bear. And the view off of our gorgeous new back porch? Sprawling acreage, horses, and mountains.

Jason and I both have the sense that we are truly being provided for... in fact, it gives me that much needed peace of mind. ♥

Monkey. Business.

Today was incredibly stressful. It seemed like every good thing had a downside.

We found a GREAT place we're moving into starting this next week. I'm tellin' ya, it's perfect for Monkey. (Yay!) But, we have to actually pack and move all of our things. (Boo.) We weren't exactly planning on finding a new place, but this worked out really well since I would have been signing a new year lease this Thursday. (Yay!) Unfortunately, we still have to give our current rental agency 30 days notice, so we'll have to pay most of the monthly rent on both places. (Boo.) Then, I went to my prenatal appointment and listened to Monkey's strong, healthy heartbeat. (Yay!) But then the midwife and I started talking about cost of delivery and I realized we'll basically be paying most of it out of pocket due to our lame deductible. (Boo.) Monkey's arrival is approximately 4 months from now (Yay!) but, then again, we only have 4 months and I'm feeling so much stress about the coming month that I can't imagine what those other three months will bring, (Boo.) and should I even bring up the next 18 years?

There were several moments today when I felt like lying down on the floor and crying it out. That's partially due to Monkey's influence I'm sure, but in general, today was pretty hectic. Instead, I did a little retail therapy (Yay!) and looked over my registry. Oddly enough, that had me worried too. (Boo.) There are a lot of really fun baby items out there that I would love to have, but I'm most worried about the essentials. A super-cool nursery is one thing, but the peace-of-mind of having a closet full of diapers is something altogether different! Um... and maybe this would be a good time to mention that we're crazy and sadistic enough to have our hearts set on using cloth diapers? (I'm hoping our research into the BumGenius 3.0 diapers will be worth our while.)

Oye vey, diapers or not, that peace-of-mind thing is sounding pretty great right now... can't I just register for that? Come to think of it, if you've got any on hand, we're the hand-me-down kind of folks. :)

House full of Daddies

My Dad came to visit! For those of you who know my dad, you'll know what a big deal this was. He had even mentioned that this may have been the first two days off in a row he had taken in the last five years! From what I understand, Cathy basically bought him the airplane tickets, handed them to him, and said, "Go. They're not refundable." :) The tickets turned out to be an Anniversary/ Father's Day present. Although the visit was short, I'm so thankful I got to see him. Having my family see me in the glow of my first pregnancy was very important to me. While there are many others I would love to see, Dad was at the top of my list.

So, here's how it went down...

Jason had said that I needed to ask off for this past weekend. When we went to have our last ultrasound, I remember walking out to the Jeep afterward and saying, "This has been the best day of my life." Jason looked at me with the same funny smile that I saw a lot of in the next few days, and said, "Next weekend is going rival this one." I thought he was off his rocker. There was almost no way anything was as good as seeing Monkey moving on that screen looking so much like a baby since the last time we'd had a peek. But Jason was right.

This past Saturday, I was still scheduled to work. Jason woke up early and did the dishes and vacuumed and generally cleaned house. Jason's very good about helping with that sort of thing, but he was smiling this big silly smile while doing it. Obviously, something was going on. He told me I was getting "the big surprise", so I started asking questions, Are we going somewhere? Can I take it to work with me? Do I have to unwrap it? He would always answer with something cryptic. We can go somewhere if you want. Yes, you can take it to work and hug it and love it. I hope it's wrapped... All I really got out of him was that our friend Danielle was going to bring it to us. So, we went out to eat lunch at my favorite restaurant, Sweet Basil Bistro, and waited for "Danielle" to bring me the "surprise". I wish you all could have seen Jason during this meal. That big, goofy smile was a permanent fixture. I'm still not entirely sure how he managed to eat his sandwich.

Finally, Jason stepped outside and came back with a bag. He handed it to me and asked me to guess what was inside. I told him it felt like a onesie. He said I could open it. Inside, was a little blue and white onesie that had, "Grandpa's sidekick" printed on it. I just stared. I was thinking at this point about how I had considered Dad coming to visit when Jason first told me that seeing Monkey on the ultrasound would rival this weekend. I had thought about it a few times since, but didn't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed. So, there I sat, staring, unable to look away in case Dad wasn't really there. Then I heard his voice, "What? You don't like it?"

Yes. I cried. That seemed to be everyone's first question. Needless to say, I got out of work that day. (Thank you SO much Lee!) Dad came in on Saturday and left Monday morning, so the time was short, but very sweet. And, yes, it did indeed rival seeing Monkey on that ultrasound.

Our Baby Boy

In case you haven't heard just yet... it's a boy! According to the poll that was here last month, most of you thought it would be; I think the final tally was 14 to 3.

We had such an amazing day Monday. I can't imagine a better anniversary gift than to be able to see our son. I think he must have felt the excitement, because he was moving SO much! I have felt him move before, but being able to see him move on the ultrasound screen made me feel every little twist and turn. In fact, since the ultrasound, I feel him constantly. He was breech at the time, and I think he must usually be in this position because he always kicks pretty low.

After we heard the magic words, "It's a boy!" we spent the rest of the day thinking about what that meant for us. Jason had a couple of interesting thoughts on the matter:

"I would make a great King... I make babies quick, and I make 'em boys."

"Hey! We won't have to pay for the wedding!"

Mostly, I was thinking that I need to learn a few things about sports. I thought of Lilly too, and how great a dog she's going to be for a boy. And I thought of how wonderful

it will be to have a "Momma's Boy" for the first several years (not to mention the fact that we can by pass the teenage-girl thing for a few more years!)

As far as more pictures of Baby go, there aren't many, but I thought you might enjoy seeing a few of these (kissably cute, I'm sure) baby parts.

* Sorry these pictures are so SMALL! I will try to change the scale and repost soon.

It's a... Baby!

It's pretty late here in California, and even later for you Texans, so I'll keep this post brief and catch you up tomorrow. I didn't think it was too fair to hold out on a picture of Baby though, so here it is! We've decided to tell you if it's a girl or a boy, but you'll have to wait a couple of days so we can make sure we're able to tell family first.

I still can't believe what an incredible day we've had! It's a little strange to know Baby's name, we've been using it all day. You'll have to wait on that of course, but we won't make you wait too much longer to start thinking pink or blue for this little Juneau!

That's one wiggly Baby!

Until last night, I have only felt Baby move a few sporadic times. These were generally followed by me freezing in place with a look of, "Wait, what was that?" on my face. This freeze-and-stare often needed to be explained to co-workers and the occasional grocery store clerk.

Last night was different. I lay partially on my side and my tummy (although there is really no distinguishing area anymore for either anymore!), and felt Baby move. I nearly held my breath trying to lay still enough to feel it again. Soon, I felt a "flick flick flick" nearly in succession. It was amazing. It was like Baby was communicating with me in some way. It wasn't long before I felt Baby move again, and I was overcome with a feeling of pride and gratitude and... just plain happiness. Soon, I was somewhere between tears and laughter.

It's such an incredible feeling. I was so excited, it was hard to fall asleep. Luckily, Baby kept me entertained for quite a while longer. ♥

Almost 18 weeks!

It's been a while since I've posted any belly pictures for you all, so I had Jason take a few last night. Lilly decided she should be part of the family moment, so she came and sat down right in front of me and looked at the camera. It was pretty funny.

I had a check-up yesterday and got to hear Baby's heartbeat again. Everything is going very well, and the heartbeat was very strong. My Midwife is guessing that it's a girl. Jason swears we're having a boy. One thing is for sure, we'll know in just a few weeks! We were able to get the ultrasound appointment on our anniversary, June 14th. I can't think of a better present to each other. We still haven't decided for sure whether or not we should make Baby's gender public... but I'm open to pros and cons if you have any advice!

In the mean time, I'm still trying to decipher Baby's movements from all of the other strange things my body has been doing lately! I have felt the flutters of Baby's first movements, but it hasn't yet been on a regular basis. It has only been distinguishable when I'm very still and relaxed... which is a great excuse to nap on the couch. :)

Our Family

It always bothered me a little when Jason and I first married and were considered a "couple" and not yet a "family". It seemed terribly unfair. Hadn't we been a couple for years? A family, to me, implies a strength and love and togetherness that can't be found anywhere else. While a couple has those same characteristics, it always has an air of expiration. Oh, they were a couple, but they've broken up. You don't really hear of families breaking up. They may have problems, but they're forever: Family.

I look around at our home, at our pets, at our life together and I know that, while Baby will certainly make us more than we are in so many ways, he or she already has a family in us.

And so, last week, for Jason's birthday, we took our family down to San Diego to a dog beach. Lilly and JJ had so much fun, it made me feel guilty that we aren't able to get away more often. It's tough to work nights and weekends when that's the only time Jason has off. I look forward to having dinner together and weekends free to get away and explore some when Baby comes. I feel blessed to even have the option of quitting work. It makes me a little sad to think of all of the Mommies (and Daddies) who would like to stay home with their children but are unable to do so.

I'm learning that we're pretty blessed in a lot of ways to have the (growing!) family that we have.

Scheduling Ultrasound

Jason says I should post a new blog, but to tell you the truth, I don't feel like much has happened in the baby-making way. I suppose there was one exciting event: when I read about Week 16 (starting Saturday!) it was the first time Baby's size wasn't compared to fruit. Baby has apparently grown from a grape to a kumquat to a kiwi to a lemon and is now... a gerbil.

In any case I can't wait for Baby, whatever size he (or she) is, to start moving enough for me to notice! This "quickening" or moving of Baby should be felt between 16 to 22 weeks. You'll be the first to know when it happens... unless I'm in a public place, then everyone within a 1/4 mile radius will be the first to know.

Our next appointment is Wednesday the 26th. We will be arranging for our ultrasound at this appointment so we can see Baby again and find out if we should be looking for pink or blue. Jason and I decided we'd like to try to schedule the ultrasound on June 14th, our anniversary. I thought it would make for a great present ♥

Baby's Heartbeat

Okay, so here I got you all excited that you might be able to see a video of our last visit when we heard Baby's heartbeat. Well, we've let you down. We didn't tape it. The battery to our video camera was not charged and we weren't able to get it going in time. Baby, however, is doing well! The rhythmic "whooshing" of the heartbeat was wonderful to hear, although Jason and I are both waiting to be able to see Baby again through the ultrasound. Particularly considering that last we checked, Baby was a kidney bean. In the next 3-4 weeks, we will be scheduling the appointment to find out if Baby is a boy or a girl! From the poll on the blog (right side of the screen) you all seem to be leaning toward Baby being a boy.

I hadn't realized that it had been a while since I last updated the blog. It seems that days are flying by at the moment! What a blessing. Every day is a day closer to Baby. The only problem is that I fear the days will continue to fly even after Baby arrives. I have to pace myself by thinking of the next closest milestone: See baby in ultrasound, feel Baby move, buy something for Baby, have Jason feel Baby move, prepare nursery, take birthing classes...

I know, it will all happen before I know it, but still, this waiting can be tough. In the mean time, I'm watching the progress in my waistline. I have gained only five pounds so far, but my belly is certainly looking more like Baby than Big-Lunch. I've been waiting for a stranger somewhere to ask me when I'm due. Of course, perhaps they would have time to ask if I weren't already announcing it to the room. "Can I get extra pickles on that? It's because I'm pregnant."

What's in a name?

While browsing through the baby aisle in a store recently, I realized there aren't very many gender neutral baby items out there. This may effect our decision to tell friends and family Baby's gender. We shall see. In the meantime, I plugged our choices for baby names into a "Baby Name Advisor*" and found the results pretty interesting. The Advisor somehow 'calculates' the personality type of a person by their first middle and last names. Our name choice for a boy sounded a little like Jason, and the choice for our girl's name sounded more like me. :)

Boy:

Responsible, caring, loving, nurturing, healing and comforting, the name ______ is warm and makes one feel loved and special. Harmonious and peaceful, the name ______ feels good to anyone, but doesn't call up any particular feeling strongly. ______ is neutral, suitable for those for whom stability and harmony are high priorities. Good sense of business, but slow and not particularly adaptable. Strong sense of beauty, but not passionate. Idealistic, with a strong sense of justice. The name ______ makes one feel like a home away from home. It offers protection and love. It takes away anxiety and fears, and heals the broken-hearted. If you want others to feel like this is their home, this is their safe haven, then this is an excellent name. The name ______ attracts money slowly, predictably, the result of effort and common sense.

Girl:

The name _____reflects drive, a pioneering spirit, leadership, independence and originality. The energy behind this name is strong and forceful and promotes an unconventional, innovative, and decisive approach. Highly focused and self-reliant, the name ______ carries with it an unmistakable "can do" attitude. It reflects confidence, energy, strength and perseverance. There is a definite sense of danger and risk-taking as well. The name ______ does not inspire patience and sensitivity, and does not promote cooperation or a diplomatic approach to problem solving. Think of this name as a masculine, aggressive, creative force. This name makes one think of strength, originality, courage, imagination, creativity, and confidence.

* If you want to try it out, here's the link: http://www.babyzone.com/babynames/baby-name-advisor.asp

Horray for spandex

I'm officially out of the first trimester! Saturdays are always exciting because it means Baby and I have made it another week. This Wednesday, Jason and I will drive down the mountain to hear Baby's heartbeat and have our monthly check-up. And to celebrate the changing of trimesters with you, we also decided to post a picture of the growing belly. It's not much yet, I know, but I'm pretty surprised I'm showing at all, so it's very exciting. I was pretty slim when this all started, so it's very obvious to me that Baby is making himself known. I'm very quickly moving into pants with some, well, room to move. (Stretchy-pants-trimester, here I come!)

Spring Snow

Do you know that old adage, "April showers bring May flowers"? Well, what do you get when it snows at the end of April?

The weather in Big Bear has been crazy this year. The annual snow fall, which is now officially over ten feet, has broken records dating back to the 60s. Residents here are a little in denial. Any report of upcoming snow in the forecast and everyone goes into a chorus of, "No way, that can't be right." After the five feet of snow that came down within two days in December, it does seem pretty impossible.

At least Lilly and JJ still enjoy the snow. I suspect one of the reasons is because they know I won't leave them outside while we're at work. That, and Lilly dearly loves to dig her nose in the snow and pretend that she is on the hunt. She "catches" the occasional stick.

Here in Babyland, I'm not effected much by the changing weather. In fact, every day seems rather sunny to me. Although, Jason and I did have to brave the weather last night to drive to Walgreens and pick up a last minute prescription. My midwife called in a (baby-safe) antibiotic for me just thirty minutes before the pharmacy closed. The drive there typically takes ten minutes, but with the snow coming down, we arrived just as they were closing the window and locking up. The pharmacist was less than thrilled to see me fly around the corner in my pajamas asking her to please fill my prescription. Don't worry, the antibiotic is for a pretty minor issue, my midwife was just a little anxious to get me started on the meds so that it wouldn't become a bigger problem.

And so, all is well here on the mountain as we try to enjoy the (hopefully!) last snow of the season.

Babies, babies, babies and Superman

Jason's college roommate, Jordan, is visiting for a while and we took him to the San Diego Zoo this past Sunday. Being Springtime, there were new babies everywhere: orangutan babies, piglet babies, giraffe babies, camel babies, elephant babies, llama babies, people babies... we were surrounded. It was lovely.

It's funny to me how many similar characteristics babies of all species share. There they were, babies of all kinds, annoying their parents, snuggling into the safe refuge of their mothers, staring wide-eyed into their new world in awe, picking on their siblings, and doing the equivalent of a toddler begging for candy. And the mothers all had a similar quality as well: they were tired.

But don't worry about me, I seem to be filling my sleeping quota for the next year in preparation for Baby. Jason really doesn't give me much slack on the baby excuse. He says I can't use the baby if I've always slept like a bear in hibernation. I tell him to mind his own business. Then, exhausted from my defense, I take a nap.

Truly though, I'm finding out now more than ever what an incredible partner I have in Jason. My hormones have been giving us both a little grief lately, and it's so nice to have someone to emotionally collapse against. I don't know how he does it. Before leaving for the zoo Sunday morning we had an argument about what to do with our puppy, Lilly. She had dug out of the yard the night before and we were up late trying to find her. Coyotes are all over the mountain here and they don't discriminate much when it comes to dinner. So, that night I was panicking about Lilly while Jason tried to explain that surely someone had picked her up and they would call in the morning. He was so calm it was driving me crazy. Don't you know she's only five months old, Jason?! She's going to freeze, it'll get down to 25 tonight! Someone probably took her alright, and we'll never see her again! But Jason has the mentality that I think most men have: if something's totally out of their control, they accept that there's nothing they can do about it. Not me. If it's out of my control I will incessantly worry about it. It never does any good, but I feel like I'm at least doing something. After an hour of this habitual worry, our neighbor brought Lilly home.

So, the next morning, after very little sleep, we argued about what to do with Lilly. Now typically when we argue, which is pretty rare, there's a certain point where we've both heard each others point of view and one of us just decides to let it go and the argument is over. Well, we came to that point, but then something very strange happened. My hormones took over. I swear it was Baby. There was no right answer, I just wanted, almost needed to be angry. There was no way out for poor Jason. That night, I apologized to Jason and pleaded temporary insanity. Then, somewhere in the middle of my apology I started to cry. Baby again. I told him, through my sobbing, that I'm terribly mean and impatient and I don't cook enough and I hate laundry and I make an awful wife and I'm about to make a horrible mother. I was crying so much I doubt he could make out half of what I was saying. He held me and told me sweet things until I fell asleep.

I swear, he's Superman. How can he be so tender and so strong for me at the same time? Not to mention the fact that he can survive my wrath in full force. It's impressive really. He's going to make a wonderful father. Plus, if my hormones keep this up, he'll be fully prepared for dealing with both the Terrible Twos and those dreaded teen years of random emotional explosions. I guess I do have it all.

So, how are you feeling?

I get this question a lot, so I thought I should update you all on how the baby making is going! I did not have the kind of first trimester you see in movies. There was no camping in the bathroom with debilitating nausea while living on crackers and ginger ale. Thank goodness. In fact, I felt sick only in the evenings and typically because I had not eaten in a while. So far, the only physical evidence of Baby is an ever expanding chest that, at this rate, seems intent on going through the first half of the alphabet before Baby arrives and a digestive system that's on pre-maternity leave. If you were to ask Jason, he might also say that I've had a few, mild mood swings. Barely noticeable :) Thankfully, Jason has the patience of a saint, a trait that I'm certain will come in handy over the next eighteen years.

Our next appointment is in a couple of weeks, Wednesday the 28th, and we will be able to hear the heartbeat at this time. ♥ I'm so excited. It's incredible to me that it's even possible to be so involved in the creation of new life. Although this will be the first time we are able to hear it, Baby's heartbeat has been going strong since week six. At that point, the heart was the size of a sesame seed and had only two chambers; it has since fully developed into four chambers. I try to imagine how that little heart must have began with it's first amazing beat.

Very soon, we will also find out if Baby is a boy or girl. This happens next month, around the end of May. But don't get too excited, Jason and I have not yet decided if we would like to share that news. We're leaning toward keeping it quiet. Names will certainly be a surprise. We have two picked out, one for a boy and one for a girl, and for a few different reasons, they're not negotiable so we will be calling Baby by his (or her) name by June. You, dear reader, will have to wait until October. We've decided not to tell anyone the name for a couple of reasons, firstly, everyone always has an opinion on the name and we're pretty set on the names we've chosen. We'd rather not solicit opinions that we can't use anyway. And secondly, I think it's more fun to introduce Baby by his name, "Grandma, Granddad, meet your grandchild, Who Dat* Juneau!"

But don't feel too left out of the fun. We are hoping to video tape our visit in a few weeks so you will be able to hear the heartbeat too. And this week we will also be taking our first "belly pictures" so you can watch us progress over these next several months. Already, I have a bit of a bump. Baby is still rather low, so a lot of the bump is that elusive digestive system that is being relocated by the cantaloupe setting up camp in my uterus. But I like it. It all means the same thing, there's no stopping him now, Baby is on the way!

* I have to note here that Jason desperately wanted me to change this previously blank line to "Who Dat Juneau". This is his loving contribution to the blog :)

Cute Kids

Here are a few videos that make me excited about having kids :) If you haven't seen these, you should watch them. And if you have seen them... you should watch them again!

Wait, are you suuuure?

A few days, and several pregnancy tests later, Jason and I were finally convinced (or so I thought) that yes, we were indeed smack-dab in the middle of a miracle. Because we had conceived so quickly after removing the birth control, I had not yet had a normal cycle, so our midwife scheduled an early ultrasound to determine exactly how far along the baby was. The date for the ultrasound was March 8th. I made a calendar at work the day we made the appointment. I highlighted the box of March 8th. The next day, I began to mark off the days until March 8th. Every day was one box closer to March 8th. I wrote “Ultrasound!” in the March 8th box. I changed the font to script. I made it bold. I was sure time had stopped and March 8th would never come. This was only three days after we had made the appointment. It was at this point that I wondered if “neurotic” was a legitimate symptom of pregnancy. I’m going with, “yes”.

Lo and behold, March 8th did come. Jason and I drove down to Victorville to St. Mary’s Hospital. Before the ultrasound, the hospital has to officially determine that you are pregnant. A nurse handed me a cup and pointed to the bathroom. Oh no. This was finding out all over again. As I sat in the waiting room with Jason, waiting to find out if I was officially pregnant, I started worrying. “Jason… what if I’m not pregnant?” Jason stared at me wondering how he could have married someone so ridiculous. “What will they say if I’m not? ‘Sorry, it must have been a faulty batch of home pregnancy tests! Better luck next time!’”

Jason just held my hand, “Well we know you’re at least half-pregnant.” The results came back; I was all-the-way-pregnant. We were put into a private room and prepared for the ultrasound. The nurse moved the sonogram wand over my stomach as Jason and I squinted into the static of the screen hoping to recognize our little bean. The nurse tapped at her keyboard for several minutes. Finally she said, “This is your baby.” I looked at the screen. “You’re six weeks and four days.” I squinted at the screen. “Everything looks great, I’ll try and find the heartbeat for you.” I wondered if their ultrasound equipment had been replaced with a Magic Eye poster. Maybe if I focus and unfocus my eyes, a baby will appear. Jason saw the heartbeat before I did.

“Wow, that’s incredible!” He was in total awe. Finally I saw it, a flicker of pixels. A heartbeat. A baby. Now, I’m pregnant.

It’s amazing how much disbelief I have when trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m pregnant. It’s very strange. I know that I’m pregnant in a factual sense, but the realization of this comes and goes in beautiful flashes of clarity. Being pregnant means I’m going to have a baby. Jason and I are going to have a baby. Right now, right this minute, there is a baby inside of me doing unfelt baby acrobatics.While I am certain that this will wear off as my mid-section slowly becomes a constant reminder, a part of me is enjoying these epiphanies, however redundant they may seem. After all, I am making a baby you know. That's kind of a big deal. :)

How we... half-way found out

Well, this all started Superbowl weekend. That's right folks, we have a true Saints fan in the making :) A week later and I was feeling a little... different. Jason and I had started trying for a baby in the middle of January, just a month before, so I wasn't letting myself get too worked up over the possibility of being pregnant so soon. I took a test anyway. It was negative. A couple more days passed and I couldn't believe that pregnancy test, of course I couldn't really believe the alternative either. I took another one. Negative. I tried not to think about it. I lasted two more days.

It was six or so in the morning and I was getting ready to take Jason to work. I chastised myself as I pulled out yet another pregnancy test. I told myself I was wasting good money on these tests as I unwrapped it. And as I waited for the tell-tale pink line, I thought, "This is ridiculous, this is the last one. I can't believe I let myself...wait... is that...NO. WAY." Slowly I walked out of the bathroom holding the test out like a winning lottery ticket. Jason was sitting on our bedroom floor petting our newest addition, a Labrador mix named Lilly. Now, I have planned for this moment for a long time. I planned how I might take Jason out to a nice dinner and ask him how he would feel about becoming a daddy. I planned how I might write him a sweet note and put it in his lunch so he would read it at work, and how I would be waiting outside his office and whisk him off to play hookie so we could enjoy the good news. I planned how I might make him a slide show of our history together beginning with pictures from our first few dates and go through our wedding and our move to California and end with a picture of the positive pregnancy test. None of these things happened. Instead I sat on the floor beside him and handed him the test, "There's two lines." We sat in silence trying to process this information. "But it's only a faint line so..." I trailed off, confused.

"Does that mean your half pregnant?" His voice was half question, half comment. It was a ridiculous thing to say and I could tell Jason was in shock, but as funny as it is looking back, it seemed like a perfectly relevant question to me at the time. Yes, I thought, that must be it. I'm half pregnant. For whatever reason, this fact was enough for the both of us to continue on with our day, and I took Jason to work as usual.

It took me two more days to seriously ask myself what in the world I was doing walking around believing I was half-pregnant. Over the next week, I took two more tests, each with a more pronounced pink line. It was official, we would spend the next several months waiting for Baby.

Baby Engagement

Last year I made a resolution. It wasn't on New Years Day exactly, that day I was too busy enjoying time with friends and family (and perhaps drinking a little) to worry about making changes to my life. I made the resolution a few weeks later. I decided that if Jason and I were going to try to bring a life into the world, we should prepare ourselves for this monumental change just as much as we had prepared for our marriage. Before our wedding day, Jason and I talked extensively about our expectations of each other in our upcoming marriage. We talked about where we hoped to be as a family in a year, in five years, in ten years. We talked about what it meant to each of us to be married. We talked about kids. We talked about jobs. We talked about retirement. We talked about upholstery and whether or not we should register for silverware. We talked about everything. We talked about our ideal life together, and we talked about how we would deal with conflict when our life together wasn't ideal. Thinking about all of our preparation for the wedding, I resolved to spend 2009 preparing myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually for a baby, to give Jason and I both some time to talk about all the intricacies of starting a family. A baby engagement, if you will.

While wanting a baby is nothing new to me, the prospect of actually being in a position to make it a reality is exhilaratingly new. I remember taking a Women's History course in college with a professor who I can only describe as a modern suffragette. Our first week of class, each student was to introduce themselves by major and tell what they were hoping to accomplish with their degree. My major at the time was political science, to which my professor cooed with delight. Then, I told her my aspirations of becoming a housewife and stay-at-home mom. I remember her asking me, "But why? You're getting a degree." As though getting a college degree would somehow negate any reason to procreate. I tried explaining that I considered getting a degree an integral part of parenthood for myself. If I have the chance to further the odds of my children continuing their education by doing so myself, I feel I have the responsibility to do just that. She stared at me. I stared back, confidently. I believe some people have a calling in life, something they will feel complete doing.

Mine is motherhood.