That's one wiggly Baby!

Until last night, I have only felt Baby move a few sporadic times. These were generally followed by me freezing in place with a look of, "Wait, what was that?" on my face. This freeze-and-stare often needed to be explained to co-workers and the occasional grocery store clerk.

Last night was different. I lay partially on my side and my tummy (although there is really no distinguishing area anymore for either anymore!), and felt Baby move. I nearly held my breath trying to lay still enough to feel it again. Soon, I felt a "flick flick flick" nearly in succession. It was amazing. It was like Baby was communicating with me in some way. It wasn't long before I felt Baby move again, and I was overcome with a feeling of pride and gratitude and... just plain happiness. Soon, I was somewhere between tears and laughter.

It's such an incredible feeling. I was so excited, it was hard to fall asleep. Luckily, Baby kept me entertained for quite a while longer. ♥

Almost 18 weeks!

It's been a while since I've posted any belly pictures for you all, so I had Jason take a few last night. Lilly decided she should be part of the family moment, so she came and sat down right in front of me and looked at the camera. It was pretty funny.

I had a check-up yesterday and got to hear Baby's heartbeat again. Everything is going very well, and the heartbeat was very strong. My Midwife is guessing that it's a girl. Jason swears we're having a boy. One thing is for sure, we'll know in just a few weeks! We were able to get the ultrasound appointment on our anniversary, June 14th. I can't think of a better present to each other. We still haven't decided for sure whether or not we should make Baby's gender public... but I'm open to pros and cons if you have any advice!

In the mean time, I'm still trying to decipher Baby's movements from all of the other strange things my body has been doing lately! I have felt the flutters of Baby's first movements, but it hasn't yet been on a regular basis. It has only been distinguishable when I'm very still and relaxed... which is a great excuse to nap on the couch. :)

Our Family

It always bothered me a little when Jason and I first married and were considered a "couple" and not yet a "family". It seemed terribly unfair. Hadn't we been a couple for years? A family, to me, implies a strength and love and togetherness that can't be found anywhere else. While a couple has those same characteristics, it always has an air of expiration. Oh, they were a couple, but they've broken up. You don't really hear of families breaking up. They may have problems, but they're forever: Family.

I look around at our home, at our pets, at our life together and I know that, while Baby will certainly make us more than we are in so many ways, he or she already has a family in us.

And so, last week, for Jason's birthday, we took our family down to San Diego to a dog beach. Lilly and JJ had so much fun, it made me feel guilty that we aren't able to get away more often. It's tough to work nights and weekends when that's the only time Jason has off. I look forward to having dinner together and weekends free to get away and explore some when Baby comes. I feel blessed to even have the option of quitting work. It makes me a little sad to think of all of the Mommies (and Daddies) who would like to stay home with their children but are unable to do so.

I'm learning that we're pretty blessed in a lot of ways to have the (growing!) family that we have.

Scheduling Ultrasound

Jason says I should post a new blog, but to tell you the truth, I don't feel like much has happened in the baby-making way. I suppose there was one exciting event: when I read about Week 16 (starting Saturday!) it was the first time Baby's size wasn't compared to fruit. Baby has apparently grown from a grape to a kumquat to a kiwi to a lemon and is now... a gerbil.

In any case I can't wait for Baby, whatever size he (or she) is, to start moving enough for me to notice! This "quickening" or moving of Baby should be felt between 16 to 22 weeks. You'll be the first to know when it happens... unless I'm in a public place, then everyone within a 1/4 mile radius will be the first to know.

Our next appointment is Wednesday the 26th. We will be arranging for our ultrasound at this appointment so we can see Baby again and find out if we should be looking for pink or blue. Jason and I decided we'd like to try to schedule the ultrasound on June 14th, our anniversary. I thought it would make for a great present ♥

Baby's Heartbeat

Okay, so here I got you all excited that you might be able to see a video of our last visit when we heard Baby's heartbeat. Well, we've let you down. We didn't tape it. The battery to our video camera was not charged and we weren't able to get it going in time. Baby, however, is doing well! The rhythmic "whooshing" of the heartbeat was wonderful to hear, although Jason and I are both waiting to be able to see Baby again through the ultrasound. Particularly considering that last we checked, Baby was a kidney bean. In the next 3-4 weeks, we will be scheduling the appointment to find out if Baby is a boy or a girl! From the poll on the blog (right side of the screen) you all seem to be leaning toward Baby being a boy.

I hadn't realized that it had been a while since I last updated the blog. It seems that days are flying by at the moment! What a blessing. Every day is a day closer to Baby. The only problem is that I fear the days will continue to fly even after Baby arrives. I have to pace myself by thinking of the next closest milestone: See baby in ultrasound, feel Baby move, buy something for Baby, have Jason feel Baby move, prepare nursery, take birthing classes...

I know, it will all happen before I know it, but still, this waiting can be tough. In the mean time, I'm watching the progress in my waistline. I have gained only five pounds so far, but my belly is certainly looking more like Baby than Big-Lunch. I've been waiting for a stranger somewhere to ask me when I'm due. Of course, perhaps they would have time to ask if I weren't already announcing it to the room. "Can I get extra pickles on that? It's because I'm pregnant."

What's in a name?

While browsing through the baby aisle in a store recently, I realized there aren't very many gender neutral baby items out there. This may effect our decision to tell friends and family Baby's gender. We shall see. In the meantime, I plugged our choices for baby names into a "Baby Name Advisor*" and found the results pretty interesting. The Advisor somehow 'calculates' the personality type of a person by their first middle and last names. Our name choice for a boy sounded a little like Jason, and the choice for our girl's name sounded more like me. :)

Boy:

Responsible, caring, loving, nurturing, healing and comforting, the name ______ is warm and makes one feel loved and special. Harmonious and peaceful, the name ______ feels good to anyone, but doesn't call up any particular feeling strongly. ______ is neutral, suitable for those for whom stability and harmony are high priorities. Good sense of business, but slow and not particularly adaptable. Strong sense of beauty, but not passionate. Idealistic, with a strong sense of justice. The name ______ makes one feel like a home away from home. It offers protection and love. It takes away anxiety and fears, and heals the broken-hearted. If you want others to feel like this is their home, this is their safe haven, then this is an excellent name. The name ______ attracts money slowly, predictably, the result of effort and common sense.

Girl:

The name _____reflects drive, a pioneering spirit, leadership, independence and originality. The energy behind this name is strong and forceful and promotes an unconventional, innovative, and decisive approach. Highly focused and self-reliant, the name ______ carries with it an unmistakable "can do" attitude. It reflects confidence, energy, strength and perseverance. There is a definite sense of danger and risk-taking as well. The name ______ does not inspire patience and sensitivity, and does not promote cooperation or a diplomatic approach to problem solving. Think of this name as a masculine, aggressive, creative force. This name makes one think of strength, originality, courage, imagination, creativity, and confidence.

* If you want to try it out, here's the link: http://www.babyzone.com/babynames/baby-name-advisor.asp

Horray for spandex

I'm officially out of the first trimester! Saturdays are always exciting because it means Baby and I have made it another week. This Wednesday, Jason and I will drive down the mountain to hear Baby's heartbeat and have our monthly check-up. And to celebrate the changing of trimesters with you, we also decided to post a picture of the growing belly. It's not much yet, I know, but I'm pretty surprised I'm showing at all, so it's very exciting. I was pretty slim when this all started, so it's very obvious to me that Baby is making himself known. I'm very quickly moving into pants with some, well, room to move. (Stretchy-pants-trimester, here I come!)

Spring Snow

Do you know that old adage, "April showers bring May flowers"? Well, what do you get when it snows at the end of April?

The weather in Big Bear has been crazy this year. The annual snow fall, which is now officially over ten feet, has broken records dating back to the 60s. Residents here are a little in denial. Any report of upcoming snow in the forecast and everyone goes into a chorus of, "No way, that can't be right." After the five feet of snow that came down within two days in December, it does seem pretty impossible.

At least Lilly and JJ still enjoy the snow. I suspect one of the reasons is because they know I won't leave them outside while we're at work. That, and Lilly dearly loves to dig her nose in the snow and pretend that she is on the hunt. She "catches" the occasional stick.

Here in Babyland, I'm not effected much by the changing weather. In fact, every day seems rather sunny to me. Although, Jason and I did have to brave the weather last night to drive to Walgreens and pick up a last minute prescription. My midwife called in a (baby-safe) antibiotic for me just thirty minutes before the pharmacy closed. The drive there typically takes ten minutes, but with the snow coming down, we arrived just as they were closing the window and locking up. The pharmacist was less than thrilled to see me fly around the corner in my pajamas asking her to please fill my prescription. Don't worry, the antibiotic is for a pretty minor issue, my midwife was just a little anxious to get me started on the meds so that it wouldn't become a bigger problem.

And so, all is well here on the mountain as we try to enjoy the (hopefully!) last snow of the season.

Babies, babies, babies and Superman

Jason's college roommate, Jordan, is visiting for a while and we took him to the San Diego Zoo this past Sunday. Being Springtime, there were new babies everywhere: orangutan babies, piglet babies, giraffe babies, camel babies, elephant babies, llama babies, people babies... we were surrounded. It was lovely.

It's funny to me how many similar characteristics babies of all species share. There they were, babies of all kinds, annoying their parents, snuggling into the safe refuge of their mothers, staring wide-eyed into their new world in awe, picking on their siblings, and doing the equivalent of a toddler begging for candy. And the mothers all had a similar quality as well: they were tired.

But don't worry about me, I seem to be filling my sleeping quota for the next year in preparation for Baby. Jason really doesn't give me much slack on the baby excuse. He says I can't use the baby if I've always slept like a bear in hibernation. I tell him to mind his own business. Then, exhausted from my defense, I take a nap.

Truly though, I'm finding out now more than ever what an incredible partner I have in Jason. My hormones have been giving us both a little grief lately, and it's so nice to have someone to emotionally collapse against. I don't know how he does it. Before leaving for the zoo Sunday morning we had an argument about what to do with our puppy, Lilly. She had dug out of the yard the night before and we were up late trying to find her. Coyotes are all over the mountain here and they don't discriminate much when it comes to dinner. So, that night I was panicking about Lilly while Jason tried to explain that surely someone had picked her up and they would call in the morning. He was so calm it was driving me crazy. Don't you know she's only five months old, Jason?! She's going to freeze, it'll get down to 25 tonight! Someone probably took her alright, and we'll never see her again! But Jason has the mentality that I think most men have: if something's totally out of their control, they accept that there's nothing they can do about it. Not me. If it's out of my control I will incessantly worry about it. It never does any good, but I feel like I'm at least doing something. After an hour of this habitual worry, our neighbor brought Lilly home.

So, the next morning, after very little sleep, we argued about what to do with Lilly. Now typically when we argue, which is pretty rare, there's a certain point where we've both heard each others point of view and one of us just decides to let it go and the argument is over. Well, we came to that point, but then something very strange happened. My hormones took over. I swear it was Baby. There was no right answer, I just wanted, almost needed to be angry. There was no way out for poor Jason. That night, I apologized to Jason and pleaded temporary insanity. Then, somewhere in the middle of my apology I started to cry. Baby again. I told him, through my sobbing, that I'm terribly mean and impatient and I don't cook enough and I hate laundry and I make an awful wife and I'm about to make a horrible mother. I was crying so much I doubt he could make out half of what I was saying. He held me and told me sweet things until I fell asleep.

I swear, he's Superman. How can he be so tender and so strong for me at the same time? Not to mention the fact that he can survive my wrath in full force. It's impressive really. He's going to make a wonderful father. Plus, if my hormones keep this up, he'll be fully prepared for dealing with both the Terrible Twos and those dreaded teen years of random emotional explosions. I guess I do have it all.

So, how are you feeling?

I get this question a lot, so I thought I should update you all on how the baby making is going! I did not have the kind of first trimester you see in movies. There was no camping in the bathroom with debilitating nausea while living on crackers and ginger ale. Thank goodness. In fact, I felt sick only in the evenings and typically because I had not eaten in a while. So far, the only physical evidence of Baby is an ever expanding chest that, at this rate, seems intent on going through the first half of the alphabet before Baby arrives and a digestive system that's on pre-maternity leave. If you were to ask Jason, he might also say that I've had a few, mild mood swings. Barely noticeable :) Thankfully, Jason has the patience of a saint, a trait that I'm certain will come in handy over the next eighteen years.

Our next appointment is in a couple of weeks, Wednesday the 28th, and we will be able to hear the heartbeat at this time. ♥ I'm so excited. It's incredible to me that it's even possible to be so involved in the creation of new life. Although this will be the first time we are able to hear it, Baby's heartbeat has been going strong since week six. At that point, the heart was the size of a sesame seed and had only two chambers; it has since fully developed into four chambers. I try to imagine how that little heart must have began with it's first amazing beat.

Very soon, we will also find out if Baby is a boy or girl. This happens next month, around the end of May. But don't get too excited, Jason and I have not yet decided if we would like to share that news. We're leaning toward keeping it quiet. Names will certainly be a surprise. We have two picked out, one for a boy and one for a girl, and for a few different reasons, they're not negotiable so we will be calling Baby by his (or her) name by June. You, dear reader, will have to wait until October. We've decided not to tell anyone the name for a couple of reasons, firstly, everyone always has an opinion on the name and we're pretty set on the names we've chosen. We'd rather not solicit opinions that we can't use anyway. And secondly, I think it's more fun to introduce Baby by his name, "Grandma, Granddad, meet your grandchild, Who Dat* Juneau!"

But don't feel too left out of the fun. We are hoping to video tape our visit in a few weeks so you will be able to hear the heartbeat too. And this week we will also be taking our first "belly pictures" so you can watch us progress over these next several months. Already, I have a bit of a bump. Baby is still rather low, so a lot of the bump is that elusive digestive system that is being relocated by the cantaloupe setting up camp in my uterus. But I like it. It all means the same thing, there's no stopping him now, Baby is on the way!

* I have to note here that Jason desperately wanted me to change this previously blank line to "Who Dat Juneau". This is his loving contribution to the blog :)